Throughout last year (2018), my faith was something that I found myself looking towards to help guide me about things I just didn't know answers to. I also turned to my faith in times of hardship when things got so bad that I simply didn't see another way to handle life. That's what my faith has kind of always been to me - something to help guide my life and something to turn to when things get really tough.
Some of you might have figured from my public posts that I grew up in a Muslim-Pakistani household. I think if someone was to ask my if I was okay with being identified as just those 2 things, I would probably wouldn't feel that it captured my whole essence. It's always been hard for me to choose between being Pakistani (where my parents and their parents are from and where I was born) or American (where I've been since I was 6 years old and what my day to day life looks like).
It's also hard for me to fully embrace being called Muslim-Pakistani because I've always seen religion has a very personal decision and choice. I've struggled with being a practicing Muslim. For example, I chose to wear the headscarf for several years before making the choice to not wear it anymore. I've also sometimes found it hard to have Muslim friends because I often relate to non-Muslims more.
I love my religion. It teaches me how to be a really, really good person (never to lie, cheat, steal, or disturb others unnecessarily). My favorite part about Islam is that it really outlines everything you need to know in life. From the details of inheritance law, to how to purify yourself after getting something filthy on you, and just what to do in almost every situation. It's also a forgiving religion in that good deeds are accounted for more highly than bad deeds, and most bad deeds can be forgiven with sincere repentance.
Islam is also a really big part of my day to day life and how my thinking has evolved into what it is today. However, I don't like to talk about religion on my blog. I think I've always found it uncomfortable. Maybe that's because I know that not everyone that follows me is Muslim, or maybe the American media sometimes makes me feel like being Muslim is a sort of shameful deed. I don't exactly know where this discomfort comes from.
I sometimes wonder if my Christian blogger friends who proudly display biblical quotes on random days of the week or talk about attending church on Sundays feel the same way as me. I hope I get to jump out of my little discomfort bubble and ask them soon.
Why am I talking about this today? Hmm, I think it's more of a self reflection (like most of my blog posts). But also, I think it's because today is Friday and that's always been a special day for me and my faith. It's a day where I set aside extra time to pray and reflect and ask for guidance/forgiveness. I remembered today that one of the MAIN reasons why I started my blog was because I didn't see enough Muslim representation, and I felt like I couldn't relate to anyone else that was a blogger/influencer and wanted to be a voice for other girls like me.
So for 2019, I really hope to dive more into my Muslim side and showcase that more publicly. It's not something that I'm overly talkative about, but I hope that seeing an American-Pakistani and Muslim girl like me can help other girls feel relatable to SOMEONE out there.
Lotsa love,
Aani
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